One

Dear Aly,

You are one year old today. I plan on writing your normal 12 months letter where I talk about all the stuff you've done in the last month, and all the stuff that is going on, but this is a special one year old letter. I just wanted to tell you that I love you more than I think you will ever know. At least not until you have a child of your own. Having a baby changes something, I don't know but I feel like its kind of narcissistic to love something you made so much, and yet here we are. I just wanted to tell you Aly, that your mother will always be your biggest fan. I will always be cheering for you, I will always want you to be happy. I will walk backward through hot coals blindfolded for you, I will throw myself into shark infested freezing water if you need me too. I want you to grow up happy, secure, positive, polite, thankful, thoughtful, selfless, but I will take you however you end up. It is my job to raise you right and just know that you are going to be who you are. I will always fight for you my love. I will always have time for you. I will always choose you over anything else.

I do worry Aly, about the future. I worry that you will always be just a little behind. I worry that you will be the weird kid, or labeled a loser, or a loner, or that you will be shy like me and have trouble making friends. I worry that you will have trouble in school. I worry that I won't know how to help you. I worry that I will say the wrong things. I worry that I will hurt your feelings when I try to make you feel better. I worry that I will always worry too much!

While I will worry about you, I want to make sure you get to experience everything good in life. I will let you play outside. I will let you go sledding in deep snow, I will let you play on the swings, and I will become an expert in any sport you wish to try. I won't try to push you into any one thing. I will let you choose your own music, movies, tv shows and even let you have a crush on the next Justin Bieber teen idol that comes along. I will let you make mistakes and I will help you learn from them.

I will make sure you are protected too. I will do everything I can to keep you safe when I can. I will try to understand that you will get hurt, but I will always be there to make it better.

You are an amazing little girl. You have taught me so much in just a year. You have challenged me and rewarded me and shown me so many things I never knew about myself. You are the best thing that ever happened to me. Please know that you are so, so loved. I never knew a baby that was as loved as you are. Never doubt how we feel about you. You have so much more life to live and you have so much more to show us.

There will be bumps in the road, there may be hard times, sad times, we may lose people we love along the way. Just know that you will always have my support. You will always have love, and strength. You may not always think so, but know this: You Are Enough!

Happy birthday my beautiful daughter! Here's to many more years!


Love always, Mom