Wish I had something of importance to write about. We're holding steady. Ben has been doing the stay at home dad thing for two weeks now, and I think he's getting the hang of it. I think he is also beginning to understand that Aly is a full time job! He works all weekend and tries to get as many hours as he can, so Aly and I get a lot of one on one time on Saturday and Sunday. Still can't believe how much my life has changed in only a couple of months.
I have bad days here and there. I try to focus on the good, but some days I still have trouble. I think I will need some time to process things. In a way, I feel like I am grieving something, but I'm not sure how to grieve something I'm not sure I lost. There is still so much that is unknown. There is so much I am still worrying and wondering about. I know it's not good to worry about something you can't control, but the way my mind works, is that I only worry about things I can't control.
I still feel that life is too unfair. I still feel that Aly didn't deserve anything that happened to her. I still wish I could find some comfort in something bigger than myself. Once again, I find my faith (or lack thereof) tested. I don't know if I can or if I want to believe in God.
Aly still has physical therapy and occupational twice a month, plus early intervention and she will be seeing her neurologist often and she has some tests coming up. She is still behind. It still stings when I see a baby younger than her doing something she can't do though. I know I focus too much on the stuff around me and what other people are thinking and doing, but I can't help it. I still say why me? Why us? Why Aly?
Someday I hope to move past needing to know why. But today it still bothers me. Today I want to know why and what. Today I worry about the future, even though it may not need worrying about.
GO ALY!
Dear Tori,
ReplyDeleteSo this was waiting for me this morning from a friend of mine on Facebook. I thought it was a wonderful saying, and very fitting for what you are feeling today. Here you are:
“And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth, ‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.”
Jalal ad-Din Rumi (1207-1273);
Persian poet, mystic
The love you have for your precious Aly is the sun that lights up the sky. We don't know why things happen like they do, but we just have to know that it's part of the bigger plan. Just remember to stay strong and be the light that your beautiful daughter needs to continue her journey to health and happiness. I know that it's sometimes hard to see past the problems and an unsure future, but you have so much to be grateful for, as your little girl is still here and still progressing. I know that she will be okay. Be patient and everything will work out. Continue to be her star and her sun, and all the heavenly beings will continue to bless her and watch over her, and they will watch over and bless you and Ben too. Take care and know that many people are here for you and are praying for you. Stand strong, that's the motto at our house!
Just wanted to share this.
Sending love and peace and happy thoughts your way.
Love, Sandy Hiskey
Sandy, that was exactly what I needed to hear this morning. I do feel like Aly is the love that lights up the sky for me. That baby knows nothing but love. She doesn't know any better than what she is shown and I want to show her strength, humbleness and determination. :)
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